so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
smell my finger.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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