I cannot find my penis.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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