I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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