she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
