Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize