You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
