dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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