i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize