I hate your face
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
