I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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