Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
this hospital has no fireball
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
