watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
