Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
