he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
