I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
