BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
