8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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