His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
