I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
