I got chris browned last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
