I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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