You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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