You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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