Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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