one two three fourrrrnication!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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