puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
