So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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