I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
