yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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