i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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