would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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