u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
