This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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