You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
