It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
