You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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