Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
