Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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