Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
