Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
