there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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