I just cut my nipple shaving
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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