so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
