I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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