Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
