1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
