You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
