We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
