SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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