Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize