Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
