Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As shirtless as possible
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
