that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
