Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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