I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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