and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Bring me that man meat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
