Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They have beer where we have blood.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
