Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
