i jhust puked up my retainher.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
