somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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