Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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