I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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