Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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