Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
