Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
