he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
