I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
