I got chris browned last night
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My dick has a subreddit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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