Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
