So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
