Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
