You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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