I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
