Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
