tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
