Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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