Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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