i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
