Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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