i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
