I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
